Still so difficult…
It has been 7 months. Getting out of bed has gotten easier, but other things have not. There are many “administrative” items that I haven’t been able to face yet. Luckily for me, many of them can be put off for a long time before they HAVE to be addressed. Today I started wading through the credit cards. Over the years, most of the credit cards ended up in his name, with me as a secondary card member. It was…
🎼My Bologna has a first name 🎶
I hate to admit it, but I must. I am, in my heart, both a child and “an American”. I say this because I can’t look at the name Bologna and not hear the Oscar Mayer song. (In a similar way, I giggle about a particular Canadian city. Classless, I know.) Arrived in a torrential thunderstorm. ⛈️ It was lovely all the way from Milan. I even had a comfy window seat on the upper deck of the train! Stepped…
Celebrating All the Tiny Wins
This is HARD. I am frequently overwhelmed, stuck, and feel incapable. However I am celebrating the “tiny wins” that I manage, whenever they occur. It seems silly, and it helps me to remember that I lived on my own, responsible for EVERYTHING in my life, for many years. And I can do it again. Bills – I have found most of the login information I need to continue to pay our bills on time. I never really thought about the…
One step closer, but no easier
The death certificate adventures continue. At last update I was in a Catch-22 because the Basha’s middle name was not spelled out on our marriage license. The Mexican government would not accept a middle initial, even if it matches the name. At that point, I channeled the Basha and decided that “the appropriate application of cash” was the best way to solve this conundrum. I hired a lawyer. The lawyer is Mexican, knows how Mexican law and the government work,…
My well-being is a house of cards
It has been 74 days since the Basha died. My brain seems to be coming back. I am remembering the Spanish that I’d learned. My phone and the computer aren’t as incomprehensible as they were before. I’ve even cooked for myself (a few times). I have been getting out and socializing with friends. I smile. I laugh. Sometimes I feel almost normal. Then, something out-of-the-blue will hit me and I’ll be falling all over again. Grief overwhelms me. I feel…
Registro Civil and a Catch-22
It took 3 weeks for me to gather all the needed documents for the Registro Civil (equivalent to the County Clerk’s office). On 11Feb (23 days since the Basha’s death) with the documents (birth certificates and marriage license) and the CERTIFIED translations of all of them. They reviewed the documents and told me that all of the documents had to apostilled (certified as legitimate in the US) before they could be accepted. This is a problem. A good friend talked…
Death in a Foreign Language – Day 2
The Basha died on a Sunday. So the following day, Monday, my friends and I met Eva from the funeral home at the government buildings to wade through the paperwork. I was numb, and had forgotten virtually all the Spanish I’d ever learned, so having friends to guide me, and translate for me, was necessary and amazing. We went to the first office, and were told by the receptionist to leave our documents (birth certificates, marriage license) and go to…
Death in a foreign language – Day 1
A.K.A. Bureaucracy BLOWS Government paperwork is horrible, no matter how you look at it. In another language, the paperwork, processes, and expectations take on GARGANTUAN proportions. Unlike any deaths that I have been touched by in the United States, the Mexican process *could* be considered swift and organized. However as the person who has just lost the love of their life, and can barely speak English through the grief, it was a nightmare-ish vortex. Thank goodness for the friends, community,…